Top 10 of 2012: Skullboy

 This year skullboy pushed it to the limit, organising monthly exhibitions at The Upstairs, getting his You & Me exhibition in the KZNSA and he even wrote a bit for us. He barely mentions any of this in his Top 10 of 2012.



2012 was across the board one hell of a year in my opinion. She was the best of times and the worst of times. Parts of me hopes sincerely that She’ll pass out in the alley next to the Winston and I’ll watch as the President of the David Guetta Fan Club savagely and unapologetically has his wicked way with Her. Although, She has been so, so sweet at times so it would be unfair of me not to interrupt midway, distract the attacker with rumors of a Monster cap sale and help Her find Her underwear before buying Her another drink. 2012 needs no introduction but I guess I just made one. So with a year of Ups and Comedowns, it’s time for skullboy’s Wins and Fails for the past 12 brutal, glorious months. Ready? I’m not.



FAIL: Haters Gonna Commentate
As a few of you unfortunate loyal readers might know, I ‘write’ periodically for this little ‘blog’. I say ‘blog’ because it’s mostly an excuse for the contributors to complain about their shitty days, and I say ‘write’ because I am one of those contributors. Specifically, I wrote a little piece awhile ago about a party/massacre that went down and Jesus Christ, the shitstorm that ensued after that. Niggaz went full-fuckin-retard in the Comments Section. Why? I’m still not entirely sure. Not only did the masses miss the whole point of the article but they also missed one major, glaring fact: who the fuck is ‘skullboy’ and why would anyone take me seriously!? Jesus, the Internet is brimming with pure bollocks and I’m just doing my part to contribute. So before you bang your sticky fingers angrily into your semen encrusted keyboards and declare a cyber-jihad, take a breath and understand that DIY and it’s articles have little to no real intellectual basis whatsoever and this is all purely for cybertainment. Also, if you hide behind aliases (ahem) and wouldn’t dare say any of your heinous comments in the Real World, then please shut the fuck up. It’s like Stathi invented the cry-wank all for nothing?!



WIN: I Heart Gin ‘n Juice
Remember when I Heart Market was super small and in a shitty church hall with cup cakes and things? Me neither but look at it now! In a few short years, I Heart Market has gone from a small fête to a Durban staple on the monthly events calendar. Thanks to this shindig, we’ve spent the better part of the year, sipping on Gin ‘n Juice in the sun and talking shit with our friends on the banks of Moses Mahbida while soaking up good tunes and good times. The only question that has haunted us for the past year is where the fuck are all these pretty girls at night!?



FAIL: Durban Apathy
I fucking love Spoek Mathambo. He’s the Black Jesus of style and creates a context for you to get drunk as shit and endlessly jive up against pretty girls too. He’s also on SubPop, which might mean something to all the Upper-Middle class white kids who are wearing flannel and pretending to be poor. He played at Live on Saturday and I tell you, there couldn’t have been more than a 100 people. 100! One of South Africa’s greatest exports in the past 5 years, arriving on our shores fresh off ANOTHER World tour and people complain about R80!? What the heck, Durban?! You pay that every weekend to get into Origin and even then you still have to cough to buy pills! PS: it was an incredible show even after the mushroom comedown and you all missed out hard.



WIN: Johannesburg
Ermagerd you guys, Johannesburg: It’s so rad. We’re conditioned here to think that life would be so much better in Cape Town but at least we don’t live in Johannesburg and I’m calling Bullshit! The people are so stylish, everyone is on a mission, there’s always something going on, the buildings capture the ugliest parts of Apartheid and it is one of the few places where white kids and black kids can hang out freely without one of your douchebag ‘friends’ murmuring, “Hmmmm, it’s a little ‘dark’ around here”. It’s the frontline of the New(er) South Africa and I’m excited. Durban, you were my first Lover but you won’t be my last, and when I do manage to tear myself from your sweet embrace, JHB you better get ready for some pure, unadultered animal-sex. If you haven’t been: friggin go already, dude!



WIN: Scub Pub
It’s not cool to claim your own party but I’ve never really been cool… just like Michael Cera. Lol. At the beginning of the year, DJ Fuego Heat and myself organized a series of secret parties at sketchy bars in order to try salvage the barren social wasteland that was our scene. Our last such event saw Jackie Horner take in 5 times of their best night’s income, vomit covering the toilets/walls/basins/floors of 2 of the 3 bathrooms, people sexing rampantly in the stairwell, the loss of cellphones, car keys and dignity and a heaving dancefloor that didn’t stop until 3.30 due to police interference. Thank Christ, Winston came to fill that drunk, horrendous hole – now the stragglers don’t all end up at my house after the bar closes.



WIN: Live The Venue
Okay, it’s too clean, there aren’t enough narcotics, its easier to get a beer at an AA meeting than from any of the barstaff and the word ‘Live’ is always at most seven words away from the phrase ‘gajillion rand sound system’… but I kinda like it. It’s rad to see all my friends under one, big-kinda-big roof, the bands are cool and I can see the stage while having a cigarette. So yes, it’s nice. Support it!



FAIL: Live The Management
Really dudes? Really!? Not only is it hard enough to open and keep open a semi-successful music venue in Durban, but these jive-turkies make it a point to diss DIY and it’s readers at any given opportunity! Whether verbally or via the Comments Section, they’re pretty honest about the fact that they don’t like people of our ilk. Big up to that dude for raging openly in the Comment Section but he forgot a pivotal point (see FAIL: Haters Gonna Commentate). NEWS FLASH HOMBRES: whether you like us or not, we’re the sad bastards who dutifully pay the entrance to so many of your shows, mostly just to hang out, smoke and stand thirsty at the bar. My Gran always said, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” but she also didn’t like black people, so what does she know.*

*Ed Note: We have since had a meeting with Live about all of this and they’re cool with us and we’re cool with them. We’re still gonna say what we think uninhibited.



WIN: Man Weekend
A couple weeks ago a group of friends and I made our way up into the Burg with nothing but Motorhead, weapons, about 15 cases of beer, 13g of mushrooms and our cocks. What ensued was 48 hours of pure madness unleashed onto the posh, sleepy patrons of the Royal Natal. A group of grown men, beer-bonging constantly, crying from mushroom frenzy and driving various machete’s, axes and broadswords into trees and other camping paraphernalia is probably not the most welcoming sight to Dad on the neighboring camp plot. He’s just trying to take his wife and 2.4 kids on a caravan holiday but here we are, living the life he wished he still had. It was so cruel.



WIN: Oktoberfest at Pecanwood
A group of us decided to do the whitest thing we could do and that turned out to be attending Oktoberfest at Pecanwood in the Midlands. However, we were warned that the Beerfest was parallel to Fun In The Sun minus the drugs that make it bearable. I’m calling Bullshit on the Bullshitters! It was nuts. Camping, sun, cigarettes, beer flowing like water and more Motorhead. Again it was another 24 hours of drunken mayhem that involved the stealing of meat, fending off naked jocks while trying to chat up girls, trying not to vomit in the portapotties from the previous user’s beer-induced explosive diarrhea and nearly getting choked out by the biggest 21-year-old I have ever seen (twice). And because all the beer was craft, no hangover! Say no more. See you next year, honkeys!



FAIL: Skullboy’s Top 10
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I was supposed to write ten things but I’ve got work to do and I could only think of nine. I know: What a dick.

Here’s to an even gnarlsier 2013! Salut!

7 Responses to “Top 10 of 2012: Skullboy”
  1. skullbooooi says:

    I’m glad DIY and Live are friends again. That means I now only have 8 valid points. Thanks for that, Bob

  2. AnalogueGirl_ says:

    Great! Thank you for the laughs Skullboy.

  3. Holiday says:

    Fucking nuts – man weekend! Fuck you Pastel accounting .

  4. Jem Atkins says:

    That was a very entertaining read – keep doing what you’re doing and keeping it real!

  5. Alexander says:

    Really “feels as if it was only yesterday” that I was reading the Top 10’s of 2011. Keep it up guys.

  6. someou says:

    i liked skulldude better when he was putting shit on walls and trees but hes still a laka ou x

  7. Sarah says:

    I am pretty glad skulldude is writing more to take up the time that he could be using to put shit on walls and trees.

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