Top 10 of 2012: DJ Fuego Heat

This year DJ Fuego Heat went form obscurity to relatively well known by a handful of people. He’s played weddings and become an agony aunt, there’s no stopping him in 2013. Check out his Worst 10 of 2012.

 

 

After last year’s top 10 I decided that I would keep a record of all notable events of 2012. As December drew nearer and my list consisted of blank lined paper I started to freak out. In the end it turned out pretty easy to think of a couple of reasons that made 2012 shit.

 

10. DJ Bob

He’s tried his hand blogging and doing stand-up comedy but in 2012 Bob Perfect thought he could become a DJ. What new endeavour will our fearless leader hopelessly throw himself into for 2013?

 

9. Comic Book Movies

Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of the genre (with the exception of a couple of stinkers such as Daredevil and Ghost Rider) but 2012 has bought such a flux of these movies that the novelty has worn off. I no longer count down to release dates and only found out the new Spiderman was out when I saw the DVD at blockbusters.

 

8. Missing that ‘Angels’ vibe

I only heard about it on the day so we hurriedly ate some cannabutter, drunk some ginger beer shandys and headed into town. Unfortunately torrential rains, the lack of parking and a possible riot in the city centre resulted in a bail on our part and Grant Payne’s suggestion of throwing soggy bread at prostitutes seemed like a pretty good idea. The Facebook statuses the following morning all read along the lines of “That was the best thing I’ve ever seen” and “If you missed it you’re a fucking idiot”. Thanks marijuana for fucking up my night.

 

7. Mr Price Tee’s

I know these aren’t a new thing and I’m no fashionista but god damn it these things piss me off. We are living in an era where even the dolls at Sasha’s are wearing high waisted shorts and look like they were dressed by Zoey Deschanelle’s stylist. Even the boytjies that aren’t wearing monster caps have some sort of fashion sensibility. In general I would say that people are looking good. That said, there is a large enough portion of the demographic that have absolutely no clue and as a result Mr Price continue to make comical shirts with witty slogans like “Boob Inspector” and “One tequila…” printed in a Comic Sans-esque font with colour combinations that would make the 80’s cringe. At least it’s an easy ID for complete twats.

 

 

6. The first commitment period of the Kyoto Period ends

This hasn’t happened yet but come 31 December we will all once again bear witness to the ability of politicians on global scale to blow hot air up the public’s asses.

 

 

5. Frozen Yoghurt

Sell overpriced mediocre frozen dairy products with a name like daisyberry (the first half doesn’t matter as long as it sounds quirky and is followed by ‘berry’) and you’ll be printing money. I just don’t get it.

 

 

4. Space Jump

Curing AIDS and fighting poverty seem like good ways to spend a shit load of money. Redbull decided to send a guy into space and get him to jump to earth and the public fucking loved it. Money well spent?

 

 

3. The “end” of the world

I was pretty amped to see how we would go but with the clock counting down towards the end of 2012, the number of days for the big man upstairs to smite us down for our sins is growing few. That said, there is still time.

 

 

2. Secrecy Bill

This year saw the final draft of the Secrecy Bill being adopted by the ANC. Baring in mind that the most controversial thing we post is the latest Eliza Day article; I don’t think Durban Is Yours has much to worry about. But for the people out there writing anything of value and those who can bare to stomach the news, this is going to really suck.

 

 

1. White middle class Christians

If you’ve raised your kids in the manner that would allow them to become puppets of Satan by simply listening to a couple of catchy pop songs then they deserve to spend eternity being the devil’s little bitch. And BEE? It’s widely practised so to call out one retailer for being open and honest about it is bullshit. Wake up and smell the last 18 years of white guilt and continued inequality. So to all the white middle class Christians out there getting their knickers in a knot about nothing, fuck off and waste your time with some other useless cause like Rhino hunting. That way I can still eat my overpriced soya yoghurt and listen to shitty pop tunes banged out by a chunky (possibly demonic) diva.

Comments
7 Responses to “Top 10 of 2012: DJ Fuego Heat”
  1. James says:

    Amazing!
    This rivals the ‘Cat van Dyk’ article.

  2. Jono says:

    So, your pet hate is a big bunch of your mates?

  3. DJ Fuego Heat says:

    Thanks Alastair Laird for inspiring my comic style.

  4. Alexander says:

    Good sheeit!

  5. AnalogueGirl_ says:

    Radtastic.

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