Ask DJ Fuego Heat

Life is full of questions. Questions like, “Should I get the broad bean or sugar bean bunny?”, “Which is the best whiskey for under R100?” and “When does buying her shots go from being friendly to date rapey?” Luckily for you, we’ve got a professional question answerer in the form of the always sensual, DJ Fuego Heat. The firey one answers your tough questions after the jump.

 

The Economy asks:

Hi there DJ Feugo Heat,

Do you remember when being a graphic designer was the trendy thing to study after high school, back in the mid to late 2000′s? Then it morphed into ‘Brand Communications’ around 2010 and everyone I knew was harping on about how much work they had to to do for Brand Challenges in between coke binges?
In between all of that, in order to stave off having to succumb to the reality of adulthood and find real jobs, absconding to Asia in order to teach kids the English language replaced ‘going to the UK for a few years to make a shit load of Pounds’.

So my question is, what do you think will be the next career trend to saturate the job market?

My money’s on independent smartphone app development, replacing ‘trawling on the internet all day’ and passing it off under the title of ‘Social Media Manager’.

But what funny answers do you have?

Sincerely,

The Economy

 

Dear The Economy,
Oh, where to dwindle away my years in between school and taking life seriously? You don’t want to be going to Midmar for new years when everyone else is going to Plett. White kid problems. Anyway, I’ll entertain your inquiry. There’s no question that SE Asia is getting saturated and it’s about time that there is a shift to a new area of the globe where people go to discover themselves. Remember the kibbutz. Yeah, real thing. Anyway, I’m going with South America. Loads of illiterate people to educate and warm climate make it an attractive destination to just be the person you want to be. And, when your younger brother or sister get the wanderlust and decide it’s time to be a citizen of the world, it’s easy as fuck for them to dust off your old Beer Laos vest, throw on some Alladin pants and a head scarf and play some hacky on the beach before fucking out on acid at a full-moon party, all the time slowly eating away at your parents’ bank balance and patience. They’ll fit right in.

Putting your money on apps and Social Media Management would be a safe bet. Why you may ask? Because that is the present, not the future. Graphic design has already been shown up for the farce that it is. It’s only the top percentile that actually make it. So it is graphic design. You think you’re going to make a living branding some cutting edge company and using your skills to make the world a better place but the truth is this is life and it’s fucked. I don’t ride a unicorn to work every day, I don’t come home to Scarlett Johansson spread out on my couch wearing nothing but whipped cream and the majority of graphic designers don’t feel their job allows them to express fuck all. As we speak there is probably some poor hopeful sod getting bent over the table for not using the right tone of pink for the Game flyer. And why would the move to social media be the next logical jump? Fucked if I know. Maybe because it’s new, your parents don’t understand it, you still get to have multiple hair colours and tattoos. Or maybe it’s as simple as the fact that most 18-25 year old spend most of their time on social media anyway so they might as well get paid for it.

I just reread your question. Was Brand Communication really a thing? Fuck.

Regards,

DJ Fuego Heat.

 

 

LC asks:

Dear Fuego Heat

My girlfriend cheated on me with the dude she originally broke up with me for, who used to be my best friend and band member… they are together now, play in a band now and I am homeless and jobless and depressed.
Suicide or move to Mozambique?

 

Dear LC,

Suicide or Mozambique? Those are your only two options? This isn’t a Johnny Depp movie you know? How about maning the fuck up? Shit happens. People cheat and best friends betray and the world keeps spinning. Ozzie’s suggestion isn’t that bad or you could just try getting your dick wet. I find that always helps with a broken heart.

If not there’s always the option of having a cry wank and getting over it.

DJ Fuego Heat.

 

 

Steve asks:

When will Durban is yours start showcasing anything of real value???

 

Dear Steve,

Thank you for you useful input. Constructive criticism like that is always helpful. Unfortunately we have a readership to deal with and, judging from past comments sections, intelligence isn’t their strong point. So thank you for sticking by us for over a year waiting for us to START showcasing something of value. That is real dedication. Regrettably, there are no plans in the near future for a total site revamp. What we have going for us has worked pretty well thus far so we’re going to stick with it. I would like to point your attention to the Fairlady blog. I heard they recently had a very informative article on dealing with heavy flow that you may find interesting.

Thank you for you non-support,

DJ Fuego Heat.

Mac T asks:

Dear Fuego

How do I get my VLC media player to 100% volume? No matter how I click the volume bar the best I can ever get is 97. Its pretty close I agree, but sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on the full audio majesty of my french dubbed Samurai Jack directors cut.

Please help
M

 

Dear Mac T,

What the fuck version VLC do you have? Mine goes up to 200%. Dumb fuck.

DJ Fuego Heat.

 

Got any burning questions for DJ Fuego Heat? Ask them in the comment section below.

Header illustration by Skullboy.

Comments
15 Responses to “Ask DJ Fuego Heat”
  1. The Economy says:

    Thank you,

    That was both informative and entertaining.
    DJ’ing is also an over saturated market, but i find that you are the only DJ Durban really needs, you’re like Durban’s ‘The Wedding DJ’s’ except that you’re 1 man and you speak english. If we had a phrase for ‘Zef’ it would be ‘Feugo Heat’. Keep it classy. Keep it English. Keep it stylish.

    The Economy

  2. Pascal says:

    awesome. And Bobby didn’t listen to your advice Fuego. Looks like he chose Mozam. YOU FAIL!

  3. Pedro says:

    That logo is fucking amazing! I want one..

  4. WhiteMike says:

    I though marine biology was the next big thing after graphic design?

  5. Ozzie says:

    Is it? I heard it was working for a large, soulless retail company based in Durban but actually based in sweatshops overseas?

  6. The Economy says:

    It actually disgusts me how Mr. Price runs sweat shops full of youngsters, youngsters who grew up having dreams of a better life and ended up working excruciatingly long hours, forced to make really bad quality merchandise.
    And they also own sweat shops in China. Hiyo!

    Don’t give up your dreams graphic designers, buyers and stylists – one day, you will overcome.

    Sincerely,

    The Economy

  7. WhiteMike says:

    Mr Price dont run sweatshops, I do.

  8. kaptain cade says:

    dear mr dj feugo heat,

    id like to know why 90% of the comment posters on DIY hide behind a cool internet name to diss each other when they really friends in real life who party and take drugs together… is it purely a durban thing to not have anything constructive to say about our scene and just hate on each other?

    your friend
    kaptain cade

  9. Gavin Radebe says:

    Dear Heat,

    Why is it that if you stop taking drugs, the paranoia also stops?
    Are those two things related?

    You don’t need drugs to make friends in Durban, do you?

    Stay well,

    Gav

  10. Kumar says:

    Gooday Deep Heat, Kumar speaking.

    He who would cross the Bridge of Death
    Must answer me
    These questions three
    Ere the other side he see.

    Bridgekeeper: What…is your name?
    What…is your quest?
    What…is your favorite color

  11. mattB says:

    Dear DJ Fuego Heat

    Why is Mahala?

    Yours Faithfully
    MattB

  12. luke says:

    fuegz.

    why won’t do you like snakes?

    luke.

  13. matt says:

    Dear DJ Fuego Heat

    so underage girls..good/bad idea?
    p.s she’s hot

    M

  14. Matt K says:

    I know its bullshit, but sometimes when I’m listening to my music – on the train for example – with my earphones on, I think I understand the world more than any of those fuckers on the train. Why is this?

    Matt

  15. skullbooooooi says:

    Dear Dr Heat

    If I see one more person post “If you recognize this you were there for the 90’s” I’m going to drive a screwdriver through my eye. How can I take revenge on these acquaintances for cluttering up my new feed with this bullshit?

    Yours sincerely,
    skullboy

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