Hey Yoof! Here’s The Troof!: Project Reality Check

We know that it’s hard to know what’s true in this world, especially as a youth. Luckily for you though, we’ve got your back. We’ve managed to convince truthsayer extraordinaire, Skullboy, to fill you in on the troof, a slightly off center version of what everyone else has been telling you. Without further delay, here’s the first Hey Yoof! Here’s The Troof!

 

 

The first time I heard murmurings of this ‘Project X’ fiasco was that fateful day when Bob reposted a status from far out of the reaches of my newsfeed. The said status was advertising a party of mythic proportions that boasted entrance requirements of two ‘dolls’ for every one guy and that there would be ‘strictly no darkies allowed’. Finally! I was tired of those motherfuckers being the coolest people at parties. So, I’m not black (almost there) and I might have been able to trick two women into coming with me (totally in!) but I literally couldn’t think of anything worse than what that status promised. By the tone, it sounded like it would be wall-to-wall boitjies and the poor, poor girls most likely to date them. Basically: high school with vagina and drugs.

Jayjay’s and Mr Price rip off our style and sell it back to the exact same motherfuckers who hated us in high school!

Now, I must point out that I was a total nerd at school, and not in the Tumblr-esque “I’m so awkward” kind of way that for some bizarre reason is so goddamn cool right now. Thank you very much, Michael Cera. I was a legit dork. I got really good grades, was painfully polite and kept in line, bar the one time I was bust for graffiti. I was also Christian at the time, so I spent most of my time with religious, A-class types. Super rad dudes, but not quite as knee-deep in clunge as you can imagine. The jocks mostly knew who I was because I could draw ‘n shit, but I put out a pretty weird vibe so they left me alone. It was there, in those formative years that we learnt the bizarre and unspoken hierarchy that would set the tone for the rest of high school and quite possibly our lives – the handsome sportsmen and prefect-types were at the top of the pyramid and us ‘alternatives’ were left to fend for ourselves at the bottom. It was the Golden Boys in the upper tiers that were pegged to the future leaders of the 3rd World and who knew, maybe even the 1st World if they scored a try or two against Kearsney on Saturday! These were to be the successful, upstanding, god-fearing members of society. They were being groomed to inherit the Earth and the overarching feeling was that if you weren’t getting your fingers stinky at Hops on a Friday night and making game-saving drop goals on Saturday then there wasn’t much hope for You, The Ill Fated.

 

Thank Christ, school finally ended and the Chosen and Unusual alike made our way into the world. Unsurprisingly, the ‘Golden Age’ that followed wasn’t as shiny as predicted for the Upper Crust. Since then they’ve gained weight, dropped out of Varsity College, got married, got divorced, knocked out a few rugrats at the back of Joe’s, are working shitty jobs at their dad’s business, still watching rugby at Hops with the rest of the 2003 First team, haven’t learnt to handle their MDMA and have gone pink faced from booze and boredom. This is a portrait of the 99% – the people we are encouraged to be.

 

For the rest of us, The Others, we went on to become artists, photographers, writers, socialites, creatives, trend-setters, fire starters, deviants, musicians, activists, drug takers, drug dealers, travellers and club owners. We went on to drink, to fuck and to explore. We were warned against being ‘alternative’ but it was us who went on to make significant cultural changes in our small cities. For Christ sake, Jayjay’s and Mr Price rip off our style and sell it back to the exact same motherfuckers who hated us in high school! We may not be successful but we stumble drunkenly from one endeavor to the next, eyes set upon something other than the perfect, clean, boring little lives our parents and teachers hoped we would lead.

 

Now, the repercussions of this Project X balls-up has made things a bit sticky for the young and the drunk but it did come to serve a divine purpose. It left in its wake this special kind of truth for our beloved Mommies and Daddies: It was not Us the crazed, drug-addled, irresponsible, night-loving youth that threw that heinous party and destroyed that house. No, it wasn’t Us who shattered their safe little suburb and tested their delicate notions of right and wrong. Oh yes, judging by the demographic who attended that lil’ soirée, it’s becoming all too clear now: It was them, the Golden Children. It was the beautiful, successful, god-fearing, rugby-watching, flag-waving, ‘upstanding members of society’ that did all this damage. This carnage was brought about by the same blue-eyed babes that were thought to take over the reigns when our Fathers passed on. Ah, yes, friends – the chickens have come home to roost and the culprits are far from what was expected.

 

I’ve been to house parties before, solely attended by these filthy ‘alternative’ types and I can say that the most damage done was maybe a broken sink and a 2-day nosebleed. Nothing compared to the destruction caused by a handful of lightweight, jock, monster-cap-wearing motherfuckers and their girlfriends.

 

So take solace, Friends, in that Karma is swiftly and carefully having Her revenge for the years past and years to come of being looked down upon and vibed for being a ‘out of step’. Wave your Freak Flag! For we might be a little different but at least but at least we can handle our drugs.

 


The views expressed here are not necessarily (but probably are. Bob) held or supported by the editors of Durban Is Yours and to be taken with a pinch of salt. It is pure drivel and to be treated as such. If you were offended in any way and would like to deliver a swift beatdown or some nasty words to skullboy, he will most likely be found at the bar. If there are any other grievances, to quote DJ Fuego Heat, “let’s all have a crywank and get over it”. Thank you.

Comments
74 Responses to “Hey Yoof! Here’s The Troof!: Project Reality Check”
  1. Ozzie says:

    Everyone who WASN’T a nerd in school is now a total poes. Fact.

  2. Bobby Foreskinstad says:

    Yohhsus boet!

    That was so dope. The truth hurts so good.

    Nice one Boy van der Skull.

  3. luke says:

    i feel this was written on a lot of bogata’s finest.

  4. in neutro says:

    don’t you think it’s just as bad to dwell on this type of shit as it is to still be wearing your 1999 tour jersey?

  5. Mark says:

    I remember that status about the party mentioned above.
    What went down at that party that got those last 3 paragraphs written??
    Backstory?

  6. Will says:

    Jiirre Charn, and here I was thinking that klapping gym was the answer to getting two blonde belters AT THE SAME TIME. And everybody knows that once you’ve had two blonde belters at the same time and you are massive and ripped you can just sit on the couch and tell people what to do.

    What about the ‘alternatives’ who went a little too alternative and now live in die bos without an iPhone? What about them, huh?

  7. PAULO! says:

    whahaha Ozzie .. spot on… they either broke as hell.. or total douchebags

  8. Panda says:

    I get so many of these Project X bullshit Broadcasts. such a load of twat.

  9. Dayle says:

    Skully, what a champ! Fucking awesome article brah!

  10. Matt says:

    Jut like the golden children wound up how they are now, so you alternative types STILL moan and complain about stuff that happened years, maybe decades ago. Get over it and move on, man. All this seems like is a piece of drivel designed to validate that your lives are some how more important or something. The golden children, while unsuccessful at life, have gotten over it, why can’t you?

  11. RichSchaffer says:

    more about ‘project x’! backstory

  12. xdoomx says:

    Good grief! Excellent article and a good read. Really enjoyed it.

  13. Bob says:

    @Matt: Enjoy your crywank.

  14. luke says:

    that awkward but not surprising moment when you realise people are taking this seriously.

  15. IOIIOOIO says:

    Apparently there’s another one in Seaview this Friday. I would totally be there if I was like 10 years younger.

    @ Mark. well basically a few hundred people rocked up. Some reports say over thousand – but I’m Shit was off the hook insane! The most rock n roll thing I’ve ever seen. The only thing that sucked is they should have kept the kiddies out; I saw one kid there must’ve been in grade 8 tops. A concerned parent phoned the cops and it got shot down before 12pm. And things were just getting started. In the aftermath apparently a big screen tv was submerged in a bath; there was graffiti all over the place; broken mirrors and windows etc. At least that’s what I’ve heard. It’s a pity that some people can’t have fun without getting destructive – but hey go tell that to *insert legendary rock star* (who I’ll take a wild guess is probably one of skullboys idols) and they’d laugh you out the room.

    I love your art n all skullboy, but stop being such a little bitch. Forget what happened in high school and try open your mind a little. You might find you actually have a lot more in common with those people you stereotype as “jocks” than you think.

  16. IOIIOOIO says:

    lmao @ Luke. just saw your comment now.

  17. Rob says:

    Nice one Lou, well written

  18. But Who Am I, Anyway... says:

    * white noise *

    Huh? What am I doing here? Oh sorry, I blanked out after the first mind-numbing paragraph… Sorry, didn’t even finish reading the article. Life must be tough if the best piece of writing one can produce is a bitch-fest. Ag shame, ne. Tackle some real problems, there is a life far greater than your meager hipster existence.

  19. Charlene says:

    Skullboy,

    You know I am a fan of you as a person and as an artist, but how is a negative article going to create Positivity.

    Noone likes being called a hipster, hence I am sure no one wants to be called a jock.

    I think we should stop hating on each other, it doesnt help anyone.

    I understand where your anger comes from, but why perpetuate it though?

  20. Bob says:

    Cause jocks suck. Duh.

  21. Azkaban says:

    I wouldn’t exactly call that the truth but rather a biased opinion from one person’s angry eyes. And as we all know jealousy makes you nasty and that is precisely what this article sounds like, jealousy and nastiness.

  22. Charlene says:

    They really don’t ‘suck’, if we are still so narrow-minded that we categorise ourselves then we are in no place to judge others.

  23. Amy says:

    jesus i hate the word “hipster” just because my jeans are skinnier than yours does not make me a mindless trend following consumer.

  24. CuddlestheKids says:

    You forget to mention the “Tapout” top wearing douche overlords!

  25. luke says:

    i want to post every ‘face-palm’ gif/image/meme possible.

  26. Charlene says:

    @Amy exactly my point,surely ‘jock’s hate being called ‘jocks; becase they like x & y or jol at a & b.

  27. pissingblood says:

    I thought it was entertaining… Some of these comments are from some sensitive little vaginas.

  28. Maaaartin says:

    It’s just an article people, something to read while you procrastinate on your dead-lines.
    It’s called ‘Hey yoof, here’s the troof!” which should have been the first indication to not take anything too seriously.

    Everyone needs to chill and listen to this song.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5FfJ89rGPc
    I promise you will ALL feel better or your money back.

  29. Tea Bags says:

    Skull boi!, i think all that Charlies gone to your head. As an artist you need to be more open minded about everything. Stop trying to categorize every fucking body and thing, to make your petty existence easier to understand.An article like that proves you cant handle your drugs!

  30. Kurt Vonnegut says:

    Y’all need to read my shit.

  31. Gigantic Faggot says:

    ITT: entry-level hipsters

  32. DJ Fuego Heat says:

    Jesus! (I mean that more in the ‘people are fucking retarded’ way than the ‘saviour of the world’ way).

  33. Arty-choke says:

    It’s called process art.
    Let Louie do his thing.
    We all develop and grow in our own ways.
    It’s not about the final outcome but rather the journey you take getting there.
    I promise you that by the time HYHTT #75 rolls around, you’ll see a progression in his expression…yo.

    @charlene is right and maybe these kinds of thing are posted to challenge us to change our perspectives and maybe not spread keyboard hate. it’s good to debate and challenge this idea of human categorization.

    @Maaartin We CAN be friends.

  34. AnalogueGirl_ says:

    I used to call myself Amy when commenting on DIY articles and competitions, because that is my name. From now on I think I will go with my other name (see above) as the views expresserd by this other “Amy” are not mine.

    Facepalm indeed. Read the disclaimer, and in case you can’t scroll to the top I shall quote it for you here:
    “The views expressed here are not necessarily (but probably are. Bob) held or supported by the editors of Durban Is Yours and to be taken with a pinch of salt. It is pure drivel and to be treated as such. If you were offended in any way and would like to deliver a swift beatdown or some nasty words to skullboy, he will most likely be found at the bar. If there are any other grievances, to quote DJ Fuego Heat, ‘let’s all have a crywank and get over it’. Thank you.”

    I shall re-iterate: “to be taken with a pinch of salt. It is pure drivel and to be treated as such.”

  35. Rebecca says:

    Wow complain much? Thought I was about have a funny and light hearted read, but as it turned out I got sweeping generalizations, attacks on societal stereotypes (which I don’t truly believe still exist to this extent) and well just an overall feeling of bitterness…This blog is meant to be, as you guys put it: “a crew that wants to explore and share our city, and what we love about it, with you” and uh this article is definitely not that. That’s all.

  36. Ry says:

    Moar tits. Less whinge.

  37. StrangeCat says:

    let’s all have a crywank and get over it…love it
    Durban people be C for serious!

  38. CuddlestheKids says:

    Dinner is going to make itself, seems to be “Amy” consensus…

  39. Jesus H Christ says:

    haha. definitely struck a few nerves. good job!

  40. Jolling! says:

    “The said status was advertising a party of mythic proportions that boasted entrance requirements of two ‘dolls’ for every one guy and that there would be ‘strictly no darkies allowed”

    Congrats to everyone in this thread who defended sexists and racists.

  41. RichSchaff says:

    “are working shitty jobs at their dad’s business, still watching rugby at Hops with the rest of the 2003 First team”, that is some funny shit right there!!!

  42. IOIIOOIO says:

    @Jolling. Ya, that was retarded, that’s why I didn’t go to that one. But my black friend did and he told me it was epic. Hence why I decided to go to the next one the following week – which is the one where hundreds of people rocked up. They dropped the whole “geen swarte” thing from their invites after that. Also bear in mind there were various versions of the invite going around, the one Bob received may have just been by a douchebag.

    I’m wondering though, is Skull Boy basically saying that “hipsters” are actually straight and narrow good citizens and “jocks” are a bunch of good for nothing rock n rollers? Times have changed I guess.

  43. Philip says:

    What a sick article. NOW LETS SMASH SOME CRACKLING AND MONSTER OKES.

  44. Nicholas Ernest Mulgrew says:

    This shit is bananas B A N A N A S
    This shit is bananas B A N A N A S

  45. Nicholas Ernest Mulgrew says:

    Suddenly I feel so old. You guys still care about hipsters and shit, and about other people’s opinions? Do you still judge people on what music they like to listen to?

  46. Jolling! says:

    “I’m wondering though, is Skull Boy basically saying that “hipsters” are actually straight and narrow good citizens and “jocks” are a bunch of good for nothing rock n rollers? Times have changed I guess.”

    You’re a special kind of idiot.

  47. IOIIOOIO says:

    Now no reason to go throwing around adjectives without a reason to back it up. Do tell.

  48. DJ Fuego Heat says:

    Cry wank initiated. The tears burn but it feels so godamn good.

  49. IOIIOOIO says:

    I’m just pointing out that I think it’s funny how a site that prides itself on being rock n roll (for lack of a better term) is now publishing articles about what good contributing citizens we’ve all grown up to be – unlike those hooligan jocks.

  50. Jolling! says:

    No need “backing it up” when you’ve proven you have the comprehension skills of an 8 year old.

  51. Jolling! says:

    See. You ARE an idiot that lacks comprehension skills.

  52. Columbine says:

    I’m just here to hate on the jocks.

  53. DJ Fuego Heat says:

    Does it sting? Do the tears lube you up good and proper?

  54. Columbine says:

    I also hate Charlene. Based on her comments i bets she’s an ex-jock come hipster.
    seems like jocks found something even dumber than being a jock.

  55. Alex says:

    mirin’ prose/10

  56. Aidan says:

    I thought this was funny and well-written. Nice one, Louis.

  57. dirkyfriend says:

    Oh Charlene, this is not the dawning of the age of Aquarius, one love is so fucking 90’s faux hip hop. Every species, breed, group has defining characteristics as reference points. When I say ‘jock’ immediately your brain paints a picture of tsavs and boerie rolls at Billie the Bums hitting the jol, vibing the dolls, rocking the pussy hard hey cuz. When i say ‘hippy’ your brain goes into scratch ‘n sniff mode and you can smell the stale marijuana, dirty feet and oily dreadlocks. It’s not to say you hate jocks as human beings, you just hate what their kind represent. You don’t hate hippies as people, you just wish they’d stop dancing round their teepees to bring about world peace and actually contribute to the world.

    Louis, this is marvellous.

  58. IOIIOOIO says:

    All the comments have disappeared. o_O

    @ Jolling! Ah right, so were saying that I missed the point? I honestly didn’t understand why were calling me stupid. Ok I suppose you’re right my comment was off track on what skullboy was actually saying.

  59. IOIIOOIO says:

    I just don’t understand why all the hate. If I were ten years younger I wouldn’t give a shit who’s going to the party – that’s half the point. That shit was crazy. I saw scenes I won’t forget. Personally for me it was a pretty awe-inspiring moment seeing complete strangers coming off the street; drawn together by nothing more than the want for a good time. I don’t understand why some people have to be so destructive, and that sucks.

  60. DJ Fuego Heat says:

    I hate hippies and jocks.

  61. Jock says:

    What’s awe inspiring is an Apartheid party where women are meat in 2012. But that’s cool bro, defend the party like it’s some progressive coming together, simunye, one love, rainbow nation shit.

    Also, people need to stop taking this shit so seriously.

  62. IOIIOOIO says:

    Just for the record: You probably can’t see my response earlier that there were various versions of the invites to that party, and that Bob probably got one that was written by a douche. It so happens that I got that invite from Bobs FB, and posted it on.mu status where my friends and I berated it. I didn’t go to that party; however my black friend did, and he told me it was epic, so I decided to go to the next one – which was the one that got out of hand.

  63. I'mtiredofwhininghipsters says:

    This is just some fag whining about his school life, and how he’s #winning now. cool story bro. good for you

  64. Mary-An says:

    Louis! Look at all these people commenting! It’s like they care or something. At least for today. Nice one 🙂

  65. Donald Fuck says:

    Just here to hate Charlene.
    Remember her shitty blog about doing drugs?

  66. Why can't we all just get along? says:

    Except for the jocks, fuck those guys.

  67. Chandre says:

    To the ‘ grown up’ /more or less 25 year old men running and writing for this site:
    A little dissapointed with the subject matter of this one. Pity.
    But as you stated ‘take it with a pinch of salt’ ill give you that.

  68. luke says:

    growing up is for the birds. stay young or die trying.

  69. Shutupchandre says:

    Enuf sed

  70. MattCee says:

    Love the GIF’s being posted, people need to take advantage of that shit more. I have nothing else to say.

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